I Ain’t No Spring Chicken


Chicken in the hen house? No – she’s way too tired to lay any more eggs – no more …no more…. no more.

I used to roll my eyes ? when my “elders” would say:

  • “I AM OLD…I am getting old…I ain’t getting any younger…”
  • “When you are as old as I am, you [insert whatever: you will understand… you will do… won’t do… you can’t do…].”
  • “I am just happy to wake up every day…get out of bed every day…breathe or talk or walk…”
  • “Look at my wrinkles…my hair…my bat wing arms…my lard ass…my [insert any body part].
  • “I can’t see…can’t remember…lost my keys…where’s the remote…don’t yell…turn that up…turn that down…you call that music…you call that TV…you call that a movie…”
  • “You drive too fast…too slow.”
  • “You’d groan too if you were my age.”
  • “I started working when I was 9…my parents paid for nothing…I bought all my own…”
  • “We had no [insert anything past the day they turned 6 months old].”
  • “Back in the day…we walked to school in the snow, uphill both ways, naked…” (okay, exaggerated, but you know you have heard a version of that one).
  • “I would get my mouth slapped, butt whooped, had to finish my plate or not eat for days… [insert anything that is illegal to do “this day and age”].

Blah blah blah blah
I always had a respectful dismissal:

  • You AREN’T old.
  • You are only as old as you feel.
  • You look great. You don’t look old. You are so smart, wise, respected, hard worker…
  • Look at all the stuff you do compared to others half your age.
  • Focus on what you can do not what you can’t do.
  • You have earned those wisdom lines on your gorgeous eyes.
  • Of course, technology has changed. And your parents and grandparents said the same about your generation and what you “got away” with.
  • We all forget things.

Then, guess what happened?

I slid right off the Cool Chic Slide into the Pool of “Elders.” Don’t get me wrong there is nothing amiss with a bit of whining or even playing Bunko or watching CNN all day – but I WAS SHOCKED…I had “a-r-r-i-v-e-d”!!!

Yes, I go on and on about some damn body part screaming every day. I don’t SPRING (see below) out of bed as unwavering as I used to AND I also talk waaaay too much about the weather ❄??☂ .


OMG. WTH. I can’t remember when this happened. This process must evolve gradually. Maybe over decades. Had I already been doing the “old” chatter when I came into contact with ANY ONE younger? I swore on my life I WOULD NEVER say I was old or judge a body part (at least out loud).

I wanted to be one of those “elders” who could still swim a mile in 30 minutes, squat 200#, work 15 hours a day-everyday, embrace gray hair, wrinkles, skin that gently rolled over my knee caps – whatever. I swore I would never say, “I used to wear heals, too…but then it happened – I have chosen “comfort over image.” ? ?

Well – here it is – reality has arrived! I HAVE TRULY ARRIVED. I know I can swim like a fish -maybe a gold fish ? and not a marlin. I know I can lift those pretty “girl-colored” dumbbells. I know I can out work a helluva lot of young peeps. I know I can wear heels for at least a four hours, but DAMN…I just got the memo…

I AM HUMAN. I am gracefully ? aging, but I have also admitted on this special day – “I Ain’t No Spring Chicken.” ?