Bullshit Excuses; I Have Heard Them All

Bullshit Excuses: I Have Heard Them All

By: Peggy Willms

(3 min read)

Excuses, I have heard them all. Let’s start with the definition for the word excuse from the Webster’s Dictionary: to make apology for; try to remove blame from; forgive entirely; grant exemption; justify.

To kick it off – I have two fire engine red buttons on my desk. The first one is my Bullshit button. She comes into action when my Bullshit meter is fed up with listening to excuses.

My Bullshit button has several pre-recorded shoutouts, and when I smash it, any of these random screeches may belt out: “That is Bullshit…Bullshit detected, take cover…Bullshit Level Defcon 5… Now common on that isn’t even Bullshit, that is horse shit…Bullshit alert.”

You get the Bullshit button if I hear repeated excuses. I will listen to a similar excuse up to three times. If you do not find a solution, bam – I hit the button! I can only roll my eyes back into my head so many times.

My second red button allows me to record my own comments or commands. Let’s say I reserve that one for my somewhat unprofessional responses.

Now you see the roles of my red buttons. What are some of the frequent excuses I hear? The majority fall under what I call “The T-O-O’s.”

“I didn’t work out because…it was too hot…it was too cold…I was too tired…I was too sore…” or …
“I didn’t eat well because…I was too hungry…planning meals is too hard…” or…
“I missed my goal because…I can’t take days off…I am too busy…I will start tomorrow…I will start Monday…At least I didn’t gain 10 pounds this week…”

Shall I go on? These are but a few. And, I am sure you have a dozen more you use, or you have heard others dole out. I, for sure, want to listen to those in the comment section so type away.

You ask, how do I respond to excuses? I would love to tell you. I SAY THIS ALL THE TIME. There are probably two to three other blogs you can find very quickly where I say the following, “You have three times to whine about something or to respond with a “justification” attempt. If you do not create a solution or compromise for these redundant, unfulfilled commitments, after three times – you strike out. And it is time for a real response. You just did or didn’t want to do it. I either say put up or shut up. Either you want to find a solution and solve the problem, or you have no desire to do so.”

There might be a “real” reason, like you died or became intubated. But if you have said something similar multiple times, doesn’t an excuse really boil down to you either did or didn’t want to do something?

Why can’t you say it like it is?

“I didn’t want to work out…I don’t want to prepare a menu for the week…I wanted to eat sugar every day…I don’t want to go to bed early…I love playing Candy Crush three hours a day…I hate the gym…”

We can deal with that. We can develop strategies to beat the crap out of those responses.

Come on, own it. Oh, I should type this in all caps. Scream through the keyboard, Coach. GET REAL! I know what is going on anyway. It isn’t my first or even 10,000^th rodeo.

I have learned to come to terms with this myself. And it isn’t easy! I am not a robot just ticking along playing by all the rules. I am far from perfect, and many times I, too, can become a hypocrite. Oh hell, I said it.

BUT I AM A BIG GIRL (there go those caps again). I know how to confess. I have killed off excuses! I say it like it is. “I didn’t do [fill in the blank] because I DIDN’T WANT TO or I did [fill in the blank] because I WANTED to.”

“I want to work every day that ends with ‘y’ and for 12 hours a day. I love it. I don’t want to waste time eating, sleeping, doing the downward dog, or chatting about ‘nothingness.’ I could be getting shit done or walking or kayaking in the sun. I don’t want to relax in a bubble bath; unless I can do emails.”

I have to work on being an Excuse Executioner. I am not the Queen of Excuse Proofing myself. It is a constant work in progress. Like other habits, when you say excuses over and over, they become mindless and effortless. You start to settle. Your integrity drops, and you break promises to others and yourself. Your words hold less weight.

And, frankly, it is Bullshit. Where is my button?